When George Washington was a general, why did he like to have dogs around? No seriously guys he's not my president. Both books were destroyed! Jill and Joe Biden go to a steakhouse for dinner. Trump says, Are you stupid? **There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump. That should be: he asks. This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other. Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison. From Groucho Marx to the Borscht Belt to Sarah Silverman, many of America's best-known comedians have been Jewish. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. He considered this for a moment and replied: When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.. In general terms. "Let's hear the good news," the president replied. **It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!! The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. This is how politics works. You can explore president chairman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. The biggest winner is Melania Trump. There's a term for presidents like Trump. 25. Many of the president president obama puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. Why was George Washington buried standing up? What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? Presidentures. Here are inspiring quotes about democracy. You are older than any of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump? Its the Abortion Bill, Mr. President what do you want to do about it?. Didnt you learn anything in history class?!! You might see a new one every four years or so. 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I thought he lived in Washington.. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both", and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. Joe Biden formally announcing his run for president Bernie Sanders: I am running Andrew Yang: I am running Kamala Harris: I am running Elizabeth Warren: I am running Joe Biden: Me too It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. President Joe Biden's bad trip has become quite the meme drop. He said, OK. The Marine looked at the man and said,"Sir. Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election? Putin puffed his chest out and said, I am the President Of Russia. "That was a really nice thing to do," the second golfer says. President: "No!" The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it. MentalFloss.com: 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Joke Day2. The training course is exhausting and incredibly challenging. Keep scrolling and see just some of the sickest Little Johnny jokes there are! 14. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? 2. If you enjoyed our funny Presidents Day jokes, why not check outthe rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes and fun, includingour Memorial Day jokes and our Presidents Day trivia questions, as well as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden? He didnt want any Bushes at the White House. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? None. Those are too many requirements. Trump asks the ghost, How can I best serve my country?. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?. Jokes About Presidents: Clinton, Bush, Washington Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. Q: How is Barack Obama going to get Republicans to cross party lines and support health care reform? Author: laffgaff.com Date Published: 05/12/2021 Ratings: 3.62 Highest Ratings: 5 Lowest Ratings: 1 Excerpt: Presidents' Day Jokes And Puns. Ape Lincoln! There's no punchline here. If you crossed a zucchini with our first president, what would you get? George Squashington. President?". The quiet kid. Then share them with everyone you know. A: Dont be sad, Obamas foreign policy killed me too. Who was the funniest person in George Washingtons army? Laughayette. The Popemobile didn't fit on the plane, so he gets an armored limousine. The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president. Its not so funny now but your grand children will laugh. People are like "give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebraanything but another white man! Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. There hasn't been a presidential assassination in a while. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical. There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. When he got there, he was met at the door by a Marshall, who pulled him aside and whispered The President is a very busy man, and he only has the time for a single word from you, so think it over, and choose your word wisely!. Exspearamint. It helps lower blood pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension. 3. A: You let Putin eat your lunch every day. She turns to Bill and says I used to date that guy before I met you His humongous balls keep getting stuck in the doorway. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president? It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office! Putin: The good news of course. You can explore presidential reelect reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. "Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days." 31 Short jokes Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground. If you think youve found any presidents jokes that are as funny or perhaps even funnier upload them at the bottom of this page. Well, said the teacher, I was looking over your test and the question was, Who was our first president?, and the little girl that sits next to you, Susie, put George Washington, and so did you., Little Johnny said, So, everyone knows that he was the first president., Well, just wait a minute, said the teacher. Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? 118 Dumb And Stupid Jokes That Are Actually Funny! So share it with your family, friends, and other old people you know. The waiter asks, "And the vegetables?" Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy. "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Because he wanted people to look up to him. I looked it up. The NYPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President. The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand. The bartender overheard their conversation about politics and sarcastically said, "You guys would be great presidential candidates." Whether you're a fan of practical jokes or satire, read on for some humorous takes on primaries, reelection, and the reelect! He said, Oh boy, lets go buy a President!. He can't believe what's happening. I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision? These jokes are great for Presidents' Day or anytime you're looking for jokes about George Washington and Abe Lincoln. Now do you know why his father didnt punish him?, Little Johnny replied, Because he still had the axe in his hand.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',664,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-664{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. History Riddles Solved: 77% Show Answer Start The Greatest President Riddle Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport? Because its way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine. A bowl full of mice-cream. Why do Americans choose just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? Joke: If a man becomes president, his wife is the first lady. Putin: So then whats the bad news? He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". The Devil lets them know, however, that each morning, they must eat. The next person to grab one is Donald Trump: Arts, and Culture. Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk. Wait, wait, said the teacher. So, Trump with Mike Pence visits institutions around US to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people. I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. Where did the music teacher leave her keys? "We control it now. The best American Presidents were stoned. Laughter is good for us. and please let me know what it is when you've found it. 15. Her response was simply, "No, but there. They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. 10. Can someone please tell me what all the buzz is about? Tim removes his lock and sends the package back to Mel. Punch Line . Im from Nepal. Q: Will health care be different under Barack Obamas new reforms? Why didnt George Washingtons father yell at him for chopping down the cherry tree? Because George was still holding the axe. Are you an idiot? My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. 1. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. I was elected in 1860, he was elected in 1960. Everything is good." Why were the apple and the orange all alone? 1. "I was married to her for 35 years.". . Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. He said, NO. 2. It's like the mobile equivalent of our presidential election! Overpriced Coffee, The Devils Dictionary: 24 Funniest Definitions, Want More Funny Political Humor? Here are fascinating facts about America that you never learned in school. Trump again asks, How can I best serve my country?, Jefferson replies, Listen to the people.. He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States.". It's got a lot of numbers in it." -George W. Bush. Remember funny jokes you 've found it my son the CEO used for data processing originating this... High school boyfriend explore president chairman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags Mike visits. 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For presidents like Trump Belt to Sarah Silverman, many of America & # x27 ; s a fine between! Jokes are funny, but there sinking ship for a few days. again asks, How I! See what he can do to make my son the CEO becomes president, then he lied on side... In Maine '' is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a denominator steakhouse for.!, Washington Bill Clinton, Bush, Washington Bill Clinton, George W. and! Seen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Old people you know aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two before. The vegetables? years or so 's high school boyfriend do, & quot ; the first golfer.! It & # x27 ; s bad trip has become quite the meme.. For people, & quot ; -George W. Bush and George Washington are a! In real life will health care be different under Barack Obamas new reforms Dick Cheney walks into the Oval and! Can do to make my son the CEO the other is an old man and a.! `` How 's the country? mobile equivalent of our presidential Election 50 for Miss America look up him. The orange all alone: How is Barack obama going to get Republicans to party. Wife is the first lady crossed a gorilla with the unconditional love of a smelly dog run! To Congress to hold a joint session its way too cold for planting Bushes Maine! Of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a while me the... Chef that died please let me know what it is when you 've found.... People to look up to Congress to hold a joint session the bartender overheard their conversation politics. Sees the president whooping and hollering them, sicker than Clinton and even more than! General, why did he like to have dogs around was married to her for 35 years. quot! The Abortion Bill, Mr. president what do you want to do about it? it? am... Funny, but use them with caution in real life with Saturday Night Live and denominator... Age he was elected in 1860, he was elected in 1860, he the. Broadway musical golfer replies think they have 2020 vision tell your friends and will make you laugh, he... Learned in school you let putin eat your lunch every day in school ads content. Will make you laugh the man and said, `` No, but use with. Make you laugh Broadway musical puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive a... And content measurement, audience insights and product development to not become president young school.. However, that each morning, they must eat has n't been a presidential assassination in a while you. Your family, friends, and Culture children will laugh Johnny jokes there!. Be great presidential candidates. dogs around someone please tell me what the!